New Weekly Segment! I’m The Goddamn Batman!

01 Jul

Starting today I will be posting a new segment where I review a different superhero every Friday! With this new segment I want to give you some info about what makes them awesome, their weaknesses (if you are planning anything), sidekicks, back-story and more! I hope you enjoy this lol

Behind the Music…I mean Mask

...I don't even know...

 Batman is one of the most recognized superheroes in the world, known as The Bat, the Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, and more. He was created in 1939. That’s before WWII people, he’s fucking old and STILL kicking ass. For most comic book readers, Batman is an embodiment of what it’s like to be a normal person doing incredible things. Batman has no powers at all and is still considered a superhero! What Batman, who is Bruce Wayne if you didn’t know, does have is a huge amount of cash that he throws around like candy during a parade. He uses various bad ass gadgets such as the well-known batarang, a grapple-hook, the amazing Batmobile (I will talk about later), and much much more.

Sam Fisher is a bitch compare to this guy

Batman isn’t alone on his nightly hunt for justice and stuff like that. Over the years he has amassed a plethora of sidekicks, the most famous one being Robin the Boy Wonder, second famous I think is Batgirl, but who cares, it’s all about the male bonding…right? Back to the Bat.

Batman has had a rough life. Both of his parents were gunned down in an alleyway after they and ‘lil Bruce had just seen a movie together. Bruce’s innocent mind is broken when he witnesses the murder of his mother and father. From then on, he committed himself to bringing justice to the streets of Gotham City. His mind is like a damn supercomputer devoted to fighting crime, science, and detective work, while his body trained to perfect physical condition. He is virtually a superhuman and can stand his ground in a world where superpowers are everywhere. Not only does he have his sidekicks, he also has his faithful butler, Alfred. Alfred is Bruce’s family butler and was taking care of Bruce long before his parents were killed. Alfred takes care of Batman’s personal agendas, his costumes, gadgets and helps manage the coolest hideout ever, the BATCAVE! What kid didn’t want a Batcave? I know I did. Never got one 😦

Batman wouldn’t be as brooding without having a psychotic archenemy to worry about. The Joker is one of the greatest villains, if not the most well known. With the creepy clown-like face and famous evil grin, the Joker is like a child’s worst nightmare. Even though Batman has many more enemies, the Joker is by far the one whom he clashes with the most. The recent version of the Joker, played by the late Heath Ledger, is the most famous of all the incarnations.

Silly Monkey

Batman has become really popular in recent years, thanks to the new movies staring Christian Bale as the Caped Crusader. During the 90s the Batman films were just as popular with stars such as George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Jim Carrey, Danny DeVito, Christopher Walken, and who can forget AAAAHNALD Schwarzenegger! Back then Batman wore costumes with flashy designs, awesome armor, and oh yeah, NIPPLES! He actually had a costume with nipple dots on the armor….seriously guys? Moving on, the point is that it is a great thing that Batman is reemerging as a  popular icon for today’s generations. You don’t have to have the power of flight, speed, invisibility, or super strength to kick enough ass to fill a swimming pool with. You just need a lot of money and a trusty sidekick.

The last Batman movie, The Dark Knight, was a huge success and the new installation looks to just as good. He is the hero Gotham needs. He is the vengeance, he is the night, he is BATMAN!


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One response to “New Weekly Segment! I’m The Goddamn Batman!

  1. Onnissia

    July 2, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Austin, this was amazing. I really think that you should write for a company or something. I was thoroughly entertained (and managed to laugh my ass off) while reading this. Just sayin’


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