Tag Archives: comics

This Is A Witty Heading #2! Grapple Hooks

Don’t you wish your Koala was hot like Uki? You’re damn right you do! This Koala is large (ladies) and in charge with nothing to loose except his good looks. So ask yourself America, would you vote Mr. Uki for President?

Today’s program is brought to you by the letter, G! “G” stands for a vast variety of words, such as Grapple Hooks, Giant Tree Limb, Godawful Idea, and Gargamel(you know, from The Smurfs?) I actually had to use a shoddy antique metal coat-hook to try and pull down a giant dead tree limb in our front yard….really mom? I FELT LIKE A DAMN NINJA! But after a half-hour trying and failing miserably I gave up. Sorry, I’m just not ready to be a ninja….*sob* Maybe if I called it a Hook-shot and wore a bright green tunic with a green cap I could have done it….hmmmm.

mmmm....Bacon =D

Epic is it not!?!?! How many of you wish or have wished that Pokemon were real? Be honest with me, I know I used to dream about being the ultimate Pokemon Master. I wanted to be the very best, like to no one ever was. But that dream died like my uncle left hand. What if the Hulk had Bipolar Disorder? Some people have argued with me that he DOES have Bipolar Disorder, but he DOES NOT! Read the comics folks, he only turns into the Hulk because for some reason, being blasted with gamma radiation causes you to turn big and green whenever you get angry….pshh, science.

 Never in my life have I been more annoyed at a character in a game than at Gary Mother-F*ckin’ Oak. Gonna get your first Pokemon? Give Gary Oak the one who can beat your ass with easiest. You can’t even gain the satisfaction of being the first to defeat a gym leader. Up until you reach the Elite Four and beat them, you think you’re tough shit, then Gary MOTHER-F*CKIN’ Oak turns out to have already beaten them! Never saw THAT comin’ did you? Gonna have to beat his cocky ass and be the very best! Let us take a moment and breath. You fail at every important battle, not because you lose, but because Gary Oak has already beaten you to it. Down the road of broken dreams you walk. =D

(Read the first word of each sentence)

I hope you’ve all enjoyed my ramblings and that little surprise I left you 😉 And remember, if you find yourself failing at life, just blame Gary Mother-F*cking Oak.


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New Weekly Segment! I’m The Goddamn Batman!

Starting today I will be posting a new segment where I review a different superhero every Friday! With this new segment I want to give you some info about what makes them awesome, their weaknesses (if you are planning anything), sidekicks, back-story and more! I hope you enjoy this lol

Behind the Music…I mean Mask

...I don't even know...

 Batman is one of the most recognized superheroes in the world, known as The Bat, the Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, and more. He was created in 1939. That’s before WWII people, he’s fucking old and STILL kicking ass. For most comic book readers, Batman is an embodiment of what it’s like to be a normal person doing incredible things. Batman has no powers at all and is still considered a superhero! What Batman, who is Bruce Wayne if you didn’t know, does have is a huge amount of cash that he throws around like candy during a parade. He uses various bad ass gadgets such as the well-known batarang, a grapple-hook, the amazing Batmobile (I will talk about later), and much much more.

Sam Fisher is a bitch compare to this guy

Batman isn’t alone on his nightly hunt for justice and stuff like that. Over the years he has amassed a plethora of sidekicks, the most famous one being Robin the Boy Wonder, second famous I think is Batgirl, but who cares, it’s all about the male bonding…right? Back to the Bat.

Batman has had a rough life. Both of his parents were gunned down in an alleyway after they and ‘lil Bruce had just seen a movie together. Bruce’s innocent mind is broken when he witnesses the murder of his mother and father. From then on, he committed himself to bringing justice to the streets of Gotham City. His mind is like a damn supercomputer devoted to fighting crime, science, and detective work, while his body trained to perfect physical condition. He is virtually a superhuman and can stand his ground in a world where superpowers are everywhere. Not only does he have his sidekicks, he also has his faithful butler, Alfred. Alfred is Bruce’s family butler and was taking care of Bruce long before his parents were killed. Alfred takes care of Batman’s personal agendas, his costumes, gadgets and helps manage the coolest hideout ever, the BATCAVE! What kid didn’t want a Batcave? I know I did. Never got one 😦

Batman wouldn’t be as brooding without having a psychotic archenemy to worry about. The Joker is one of the greatest villains, if not the most well known. With the creepy clown-like face and famous evil grin, the Joker is like a child’s worst nightmare. Even though Batman has many more enemies, the Joker is by far the one whom he clashes with the most. The recent version of the Joker, played by the late Heath Ledger, is the most famous of all the incarnations.

Silly Monkey

Batman has become really popular in recent years, thanks to the new movies staring Christian Bale as the Caped Crusader. During the 90s the Batman films were just as popular with stars such as George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Jim Carrey, Danny DeVito, Christopher Walken, and who can forget AAAAHNALD Schwarzenegger! Back then Batman wore costumes with flashy designs, awesome armor, and oh yeah, NIPPLES! He actually had a costume with nipple dots on the armor….seriously guys? Moving on, the point is that it is a great thing that Batman is reemerging as a  popular icon for today’s generations. You don’t have to have the power of flight, speed, invisibility, or super strength to kick enough ass to fill a swimming pool with. You just need a lot of money and a trusty sidekick.

The last Batman movie, The Dark Knight, was a huge success and the new installation looks to just as good. He is the hero Gotham needs. He is the vengeance, he is the night, he is BATMAN!


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