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The Sun’s A Bastard.

Well Mr. Sun, looks like you’ve done it again. You’ve managed to make me loath you more than usual. Why? Well nothing TOO big, just that it was 113 FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE TODAY! You are the Jew to my Hitler you know that? Yeah just keep shining you smug bastard, I’ll have my revenge one of these days, you just wait and see!
Also, Fuck You Eskimos. Right now I envy you like no other. Why do you get the perpetual frost of ice and snow while we get the perpetual melting of rubber and asphalt!? Seriously though, It’s hotter than shweaty balls outside and it’s not getting any better. I actually tried cooking an egg outside and you know what, within 10 minutes, IT SIZZLED! We. Are. SOO. FUCKED.

Fans? LOL fuck that shit, they don’t help! I’d rather stick my D*ck in the freezer honestly. At least it won’t be the first thing to melt off of my body. Back in my old house we owned a large family sized ice box, big enough to hold a dead body. No joke. When it would get too hot in the basement(No A/C[fuck]) we would take out all the frozen food and just lay in that bitch like it was nothing.

Cocaine Bear will FUCK. YOU. UP.

Give me an ice cold glass of water and I’ll chug that shit faster than Charlie Sheen can snort cocaine man. If I see a pool while I’m out and about, I will jump into that thing without a second thought. I don’t give a fuck if your kids are playing in it right now Sir, tell them to get the FUCK out of MY new pool!
We must appease the God of Rain my children, we must make the blood sacrifice if we are to ever bathe in the sweet, moist, wet and wild gift of the Gods. We could sacrifice Casey Anthony, or even Oprah, hell you can give ’em Amy Winehouse! (*Wait what? She’s already dead? THEN YOU DIG UP THAT CORPSE DAMMIT*) Ahem, pardon me for that sudden outburst.That Oprah bit was uncalled for.

I was so tempted to whip out the good old sprinkler today, but when I turned the faucet water on, the water was hot when it came out of the hose….Are you fucking kidding me? The Heat is really getting to me. It’s starting to affect the way I think, the way I feel. Even the way I shower now has been altered thanks to the sun’s sweaty mind-fucking.

Every. single. time.

 

 

 

The sun is one evil bastard isn’t he? He is sort of like a really bad boyfriend. At certain times he is way to forceful, always wants to be all up in your personal space, making things uncomfortable. Other times he is way too distant and gives you the cold shoulder, leaving you wondering if he still cares. You just can’t break up with the sun, that’d be to much of a strain on the whole, earth-needs-sunlight thing.

My only solution is that we all develop gills and move to the tropics. But the sun will probably fuck us up there eventually. Why? Simply because

There is no hope.

 
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Posted by on August 2, 2011 in Rants

 

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Cuntry Music And Its Horrible Effects On Humanity (Not for Children)

Kids, DO NOT read this. Or go ahead, just don’t tell your parents 😉

No, that is not a misspelling. Country music is literally one of the worst sounds to ever be emitted from a musical instrument in the history of sound. I don’t want to hear a fiddle every damn song okay! I don’t give a flying fuck about your pathetic excuse for a life you damn country bumfucks. Every song is about the EXACT SAME THING!

The only great country musician

How many songs about makin’ love, having a cold beer, lovin’ yer baby, being a country man, and all the rest of the pathetic waste of activities does it take for a redneck to say, “This sounds like the last 23 songs I’ve heard all day.”? The answer doesn’t exist because a redneck is too stupid to notice.

For fuck sake, I can’t even tell country musicians apart because, just like their music, they all sound alike. And the female singers? Even worse! That high pitch harpy screeching really annoys the piss out of me and makes me cringe at every note. T-Swift is an obvious exception to this predicament, but who knows? Maybe in 10 years she’ll be just like every other female country musician.

This is just a fraction of the hatred I have for the existence that is Country Music. Neither words nor actions can express how I feel about it. I have listened to old country music. The days of Johnny Cash and…well to be honest Johnny Cash is the only other country musician I liked. But anyway the point is Country music has evolved into a hideous, hunchbacked, one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater that looks a lot like Gollum.

Oh...oh God

I want everyone to know that although I hate country, I mean no disrespect to any of my family lol I still love you all but I cannot stand your taste in music 😛 You’ll probably think the same way after I talk about my music tastes 😉

For me, any other music genre will do beside country, but the really amazing ones are Hardcore, Dubstep, and Classical. An odd mix yes, but amazing nevertheless. Let’s start with Hardcore. Amazing riffs, orgasmic breakdowns and the heaviest sounding vocals to ever come from someones mouth. Some of the greatest bands are The Devil Wears Prada, Asking Alexandria, Blind Witness, Miss May I, Attack Attack!, and there are many more really good bands. A lot of people just think that it is just noise and vocals that sound like someone throwing up(thank you mother)

"Karma's a bitch, right?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLQBebfEXpc, and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0sT7xfC3QY.Don’t ask questions, just watch them. Or don’t if you REALLY don’t want to.

Now for Dubstep. Dubstep originated across the pond in London, England. This music genre isn’t well known over here in America but it has gained a large following nevertheless thanks to a dubstep artist known as Skrillex. Dubstep sounds like two Transformers making sweet love in the best way possible. But really, the sound is amazing, it’s a lot of drum and bass with amazing drops and beats. It’s very awesome when you’ve had a few drinks and the beat just takes you away. Dubstep artists also do a lot of remixes of popular songs such as Katty Perry’s “E.T.” as well as video game songs, such as this ball-dropping piece right here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU75uz0b8EU. Listen to it on the highest quality with the volume turned way up. You won’t regret it.

And Classical Music…do I need to say more? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-t5Nk49yZ Just listen to this and be taken by the music 😉 And on this song I say goodbye.

 
 

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