Time To Meet Klaus

He will devour everything you love in this world.

I want to get this over with because the little f*cker just bit me on the nose, in the nostril. I’m in pain and rather pissed but I will get better as this post goes on. Usually, Klaus isn’t a calm, kind kitten, instead he is the perfect reincarnation of a dire hell-spawn from the 9th level of the Netherworld.

Cutest thing ever?

But he is cute, so that makes up for that fact 😀 We got Klaus when we were visiting my brother in Illinois for his high school graduation. His girlfriend knew we wanted another kitteh after me mum lost Frank, the most awesome kitteh in the multiverse. Klaus started out as a 3 week old kitten, raised on a farm, and was like a very laid back English Gentle-cat.

We all loved his casual demeanor and the way he let us hold him and scratch his belly and do all sorts of other such kitteh related actions. I actually thought he might have been….slow (retarded). In all, he WAS a perfect little bundle of fucking joy, until….THE ACCIDENT DUN DUN DUNNNN!!! There was no accident, I just like being dramatic 😛 What happened was we started to play with him in ways that would’ve had him taken away by Social-Kitteh Services(I am completely joking). After a few days of “playing” we had to go back home to Arkansas and he was of course forced to ride in the car with us. Since my brother and his girlfriend came back with us to visit, we got to have a kitteh-exchange every time we stopped! NOTE: Driving in a car with a little bitty kitty trying to Nom on your hand is never a good idea!

Artist's Rendering

So the ride back was hell, it rained (a lot), we about died (twice), and when we arrived home, we found out that we had been robbed :[ But the shitty parts aside, it was a great time and Klaus was finally home and able to enjoy himself. At the time, he didn’t show any real signs of becoming a Hell-kitten. He would play like a good kitten, barely nomming on your hand, batting with his paws, that sort of thing. Then, for some reason known only to this cat’s retarded mind, he starts attacking like a rabid wolverine!

Being a kitten has terrible disadvantages for the owners, and wonderful advantages for the kitten in question. With small size comes:

1. Small teeth as sharp as needles (OH GAWD THE PAIN!)
2. Easier to hide, especially in an antique shop with all sorts of great places to ambush (Where is he…what was that noise!?!?)
3. Greater opportunities for him to be broken by a mad human whose leg was just ninja’d by a Kung-Fu Kitteh Sensei (WHAT HAVE I DONE!)

There are others, I just can’t think of a witty way to say them 😛 Klaus really is a great kitten, aside from the murder and mayhem he can cause. When he is tired out he is pet-able, and the times when he just doesn’t feel like putting you in the hospital at the moment, he is the most adorable thing ever. I still think he might be legitimately retarded though. He runs head-first into things and he leaps two feet into the air sometimes when someone walks by for no apparent reason. Also he likes to stick his head into shoes. It looks like he is driving a car when he does it lol

Durp-dee-meow

But I will love Klaus no matter what. Whether he is a Hell-Cat or a Tard-Cat, he will always be my cat. Hopefully we can get it into his head that he can’t go climbing up old lady’s skirts(which he has done), and attack little children from the shadows(also done) and get away with it. He is just doing what kittens do best. Which is to attack the ones he loves without mercy 😦

Remember how I said I would get over being mad at Klaus? Well I’m all better now and barely bleeding XD I hope you all enjoyed meeting my kitteh and hopefully I will add some more posts about him.

You stay classy, San Diego ;D