Ever Wonder How The Universe Began?

The talk of everyone’s lips (at least mine) has mainly been dedicated to that of universal theories. Also I’m drunk. This will be Interesting.

Shit just got real

Yup SCIENCE *Cue amazing cinematic music* Really though, more of theoretical science, like parallel universes and the creation of the universe but still ÜBER BADASS! Let me lay it down for you all.

      The Universe. It’s big right? Yeah, really right. Big. What? IT’S INCOMPREHENSIBLY LARGE MAAAN! Okay so, several theories have been created or hypothesized (whatever) that try to explain how there may be alternate universes and parallel/alternate/multiple/other etc. universes that exist somehow somewhere. Perhaps the most famous is that of the Multiple-worlds theory. This states that there are an unlimited amount of universes that exist together in a multi-verse or sometimes called a bubble-verse. Did I mention that I’m watching Avatar: The Last Airbender? No? Oh well…Anyway…where was I going with this post? OH RIGHT!

 THE UNIVERSE

So, really, imagine every perceivable action taking place. You have a choice to go left or right. Left takes you to a city where you can meet your future wife. Right takes you to a town where you partake in your dream job. Each decision is acted out in a separate universe, talking different paths and decisions from EVERY. SINGLE. POSSIBLE. DECISION. yeah. mind blown yet?

Man, Dubstep while drunk really gets you motivated. So a plethora of universes exist together as bubbles, with new bubbles forming from those previous bubbles ans so on, and existing on one plane of existence.

Rhythm pulsing and swaying within the veins
softly yet stumbling together within the dance of the heart.

I don’t know what that was. Sorry.

So I’m too incapacitated to stay on track so I give you this

 

Merry Christmas!

Something about the whole Christmas season just irks me constantly. It’s like nobody cares about the wintery aspect of Christmas, probably because most people don’t get enough snowfall anymore or they get too much. Also the whole, BUY BUY BUY IT NOW FOR YOUR GREEDY OFFSPRING! Too much snow and it’s a hassle and a problem that needs dealing with and with too little snow it just doesn’t feel like Christmas. I want to go outside and get frostbite from hours of intense Snowball Wars, sledding and one-horse open sleigh rides!

What happened to evenings of sitting in front of the fireplace with a cup of cocoa and a blanket cuddling your cat/dog/hamster and watching one of the classic Holiday movies! That used to be the pinnacle of my year, nothing else came close in my book. Well…maybe when school got out for summer…eh. The only thing I really hated about the Christmas season was “A Christmas Story”. I really liked the movie, except for the little brother. OH.MY.GOD. Scut Farkus was more appeasing to me, and that guy make me want to put a knife through his forehead.

Did you know that the actor who played him, Zack Ward, was in Transformers? He dies fast. I lol’d.

This Christmas is the first I have ever not celebrated it with my family. Right now I am alone in my apartment looking for a job(with no luck) and a tiny Christmas tree. It’s a tad disheartening not being with my dad or my mom or of course the rest of the family, but I really can’t say that I hate the predicament that I’m in. I miss the warm feeling that once came from putting up the Christmas tree ornaments and decorating the house with tinsel and tree needle pollution. Also massive snowball fights with my friends and romping through my woods. But since I’m an adult(lol) the time for playing is, unfortunately, over and I have to tend to matters of a more…mature nature. Now if you’ll excuse me I must be off for my rendezvous with the Barney Christmas Special. EEEEEH OMG HE SO AWESOME!

I hope you all have a great Christmas and a bad ass New Year!

YAAAAY!

 

This is the Last of the Tequila

Shot 1: Scorpion piss. The taste really isn’t that terrible but with the first taste being so abrupt , it’s damn near gut wrenching.

It’s hard to begin blogging again with such a large break in between. But with a little courage I’ve stepped back into the doorway.

So a lots changed since we last met, I’ve moved into my apartment with three great ladies, completed my sophomore year of college and have not gotten a job yet(surprisingly), I mean, who DOESN’T want to hire ME? I am just a bundle of workmanship and rainbows, also cuteness! Ok maybe not so cute(or am I?), but at least I have a great personality. But no on e pays attention to that these days anyway. Let’s get back to the list of things that have changed in the world around us.

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1. SKYRIM
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SO for all of those who don’t know, this is the cocaine of  the Gaming World and I’ve been left out of the needle-sharing-circle. . . FOR
NOW! I’ll soon sneak my way up and into the way of the addiction and taste the sweetness of glory and Dragonborn…ness.

 Although my desire for Skyrim is as intense as Kindergarten Cop on a Sunday/Monday night/morning, I still

have moral implications(LOL) to try and avoid such distractions. This is VERY hard to do when half of the girls whom I live with are playing this game ALL. THE. TIME. This face perfectly demonstrates how I feel ——->

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2. My phone is being a poop-head

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This is actually My fault. I was doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing with…it…yeah. By some evil wizards incantation the front face plate of the phone will not work. None of the buttons except the On/Off/Hang-up button. No real big problem except that I can only answer phone calls on speaker phone. F*cking evil wizards.(please send Hate mail instead of curses and demonic minions) In all serious I will more than likely need to get a new phone 😦

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3. I KEEP GETTING SHOCKED BY MY LAPTOP!!!

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   Why lap, why!?!?!?

4. 5. and 6. are sooo boring/appalling/ heart-breaking that I could only legally post them in the country of Estonia. That’s a lie but you’re not supposed to know that. It involves Creepers, kittens, and German Screamo but the last part is not directly involved.

My nails are painted black at the moment and I feel pretty goth even though I’m wearing a Hollister shirt. Jumping back to Minecraft, it has become one of the Number 1 games in the world, winning numerous awards and  acquiring  over 4 million members!

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Shot 9: Taste? What taste? If anything my mouth is numb and or paralyzed. Well I can’t think of much else to ramble on about….that or I’ve forgotten what I was going to talk about.

Deepede-deepeda-That’s All Folks!

 

Remnant

I am steel and iron
With pulsing veins as alive as any
I am silent with hushed veracity
Calling forth that spark of reason
Electricity flowing, this cold heart hums softly
I would feel fear and sorrow inside
Yet as I am, I cannot
I feel so cold
My skin shining with gleams of sunlight
I am firm and watching
Welcoming all who dare approach
I am guardian and protector
To those with malice toward my kingdom
My dreams may not come, as I have not yet slumbered
My design is unbeknownst as I have no maker
I can taste, barely, my morality
With which I denote my purpose
And through purpose I have meaning
I am always and forever
I am Construct
I am Remnant

 

Of Things To Come.

I need to come up with a fun way to introduce my posts Anyway, I just want to let you all in on how things will be going in the very near future. Sorry about the scrolling 😀

So I feel as though I’ve pretty much wasted this summer, 90% of it due to Minecraft, the other 10% was Pizza Hut. I have an addictive personality, not to drugs really, just pointless hobbies like endless gaming and internet surfing. But that doesn’t matter. What I want to talk about is the hopeful future of this blog. I’ve had a lot of fun with this, like, borderline theme park fun. It allows me to write and say whatever I want and whatever is on my mind. If you have read my older posts, you may have noticed that the “Weekly Updates” haven’t been particularly….weekly. It’s not that I don’t want to do them or that I have no time, it is just the fact that I am way, WAAAY to lazy. I need inspiration to make something special. I need to have a spark of imagination and creativity inside of me. I find it really hard to create anything if I try to force it. In the end it will just come out pathetic or not to my liking. I don’t want to make you disappointed 😀 So, I promise to get off of my ass and find that spark just for you 😉

The breakdown for this fall is College, work(hopefully), more school work, blogging, partying, and begging for spare change on the street corner of Dickson. With the blog, I plan on bringing back all of the weekly updates, hopefully with the addition of a few friends. I also want to add polls, some interactive posts, more poetry posting and anything that comes to mind that I think you might enjoy. On August 13th, this Saturday actually, I will be moving into my new apartment! YAAAY WOOHOO EXCITING! It’s the start of a whole year of no parents, no rules(to an extent), and endless good times with my close friends. I just hope that I won’t have to do anything too drastic somewhere down the road XD

If all else fails I guess 0_o

 

This Is Not My Sweat :[

Hey there you little goblins, how are you? You’ve all probably heard of the heat wave affecting us right? Well this weekend, I attended the first everThe two-day music festival was absolutely amazing! It was held at the Kansas Speedway in Kansas City and the music was going on inside and outside of the stadium. I must admit that even though I’ve only been to a few concerts/festivals, Kanrocksas topped the list after last night. Not only did I get to see some of my favorite bands up close, I got to enjoy it with Megan McGinnis and her family and friends 😀 I was sooo happy! She gave me a fright on Friday after she nearly passed out at the Arctic Monkeys concert, and again Saturday morning. Send her some get well wishes if you get the chance.

With any kind of concert in August, there’s bound to be heat. This heat doubles when it’s in Kansas. But despite this overwhelming heat, people still party themselves sick and sweaty. Nearly every guy at the festival went shirtless, whether he was chubby or skinny, muscly or chest-hair ridden. After an hour or so just standing out in the sun, people just stopped giving a fuck. Everyone and their mother was tan, burnt, hot, and slimy. I felt so disgusting just breathing in the afternoon air. When it came time for a band to perform, people crowded together so close that bodily fluids became one. At one point I was positive that none of the sweat on me was mine…I hope I was wrong.

So to break it down, the music was fucking awesome, the heat was fucking terrible, and the experience was fucking memorable. The Flaming Lips, The Black Keys, Ween, Bassnectar, 12th Planet, Kid Cudi, Cage the Elephant, Flogging Molly, The Arctic Monkeys, Fitz and the Tantrums, Girl Talk, UME, Primus, OK Go, Eminem, and Muse were the bands that we saw, although there were tons more that we weren’t able to see. We were up front for most of the bands which was awesomesauce. Muse put on the best show by far, next to The Flaming Lips.

The first night of the music festival we had planned to camp out in a tent, but once the day ended and we got to the camp site, waking up in a tent in Kansas in direct sunlight seemed like a bad idea. Instead, a friend and I slept outside in our sleeping bags under the stars, while Megan chose to sleep in the back of the van. If you’ve ever been camping you’ll know that waking up in a sleeping bag is shitty business, but waking up outside in a sleeping bag is downright disgusting. Whoever thought that putting the most moisture absorbing fabric on sleeping bags was a good idea should have been sent to Guantanamo Bay. The pillow I was sleeping on? Wet as a horny teenager 😦 I had a spot big enough for my face that was dry. It was a miserable experience that night, and was made worse by the unexpected fireworks that follow Eminem’s act. Rappers do not need fireworks. Fuck you Eminem. Fuck you.

After I got home I looked at my guitar and just felt anxious. I wanted to be able to play on stage in front of thousands of people one day, but I know that probably won’t happen 😛 All I can do is daydream about being on a hot stage, jumping around, and having a good, sweaty time. At least on stage I’m not being molested by other peoples sweat.

 

The Sun’s A Bastard.

Well Mr. Sun, looks like you’ve done it again. You’ve managed to make me loath you more than usual. Why? Well nothing TOO big, just that it was 113 FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE TODAY! You are the Jew to my Hitler you know that? Yeah just keep shining you smug bastard, I’ll have my revenge one of these days, you just wait and see!
Also, Fuck You Eskimos. Right now I envy you like no other. Why do you get the perpetual frost of ice and snow while we get the perpetual melting of rubber and asphalt!? Seriously though, It’s hotter than shweaty balls outside and it’s not getting any better. I actually tried cooking an egg outside and you know what, within 10 minutes, IT SIZZLED! We. Are. SOO. FUCKED.

Fans? LOL fuck that shit, they don’t help! I’d rather stick my D*ck in the freezer honestly. At least it won’t be the first thing to melt off of my body. Back in my old house we owned a large family sized ice box, big enough to hold a dead body. No joke. When it would get too hot in the basement(No A/C[fuck]) we would take out all the frozen food and just lay in that bitch like it was nothing.

Cocaine Bear will FUCK. YOU. UP.

Give me an ice cold glass of water and I’ll chug that shit faster than Charlie Sheen can snort cocaine man. If I see a pool while I’m out and about, I will jump into that thing without a second thought. I don’t give a fuck if your kids are playing in it right now Sir, tell them to get the FUCK out of MY new pool!
We must appease the God of Rain my children, we must make the blood sacrifice if we are to ever bathe in the sweet, moist, wet and wild gift of the Gods. We could sacrifice Casey Anthony, or even Oprah, hell you can give ’em Amy Winehouse! (*Wait what? She’s already dead? THEN YOU DIG UP THAT CORPSE DAMMIT*) Ahem, pardon me for that sudden outburst.That Oprah bit was uncalled for.

I was so tempted to whip out the good old sprinkler today, but when I turned the faucet water on, the water was hot when it came out of the hose….Are you fucking kidding me? The Heat is really getting to me. It’s starting to affect the way I think, the way I feel. Even the way I shower now has been altered thanks to the sun’s sweaty mind-fucking.

Every. single. time.

 

 

 

The sun is one evil bastard isn’t he? He is sort of like a really bad boyfriend. At certain times he is way to forceful, always wants to be all up in your personal space, making things uncomfortable. Other times he is way too distant and gives you the cold shoulder, leaving you wondering if he still cares. You just can’t break up with the sun, that’d be to much of a strain on the whole, earth-needs-sunlight thing.

My only solution is that we all develop gills and move to the tropics. But the sun will probably fuck us up there eventually. Why? Simply because

There is no hope.

 

Have A Gander At My Pokemon!

So I’ve put this off for a while now and I feel that I’m ready to get back to the blogging world. In honor of my not-so-glorious return, I have decided to talk about the world’s most sought after little bastards. That’s right,

Fuck yes

When I was a kid, I didn’t know of anyone who was not a huge Poke-nerd. It was hard not to be, I mean come on, a world full of cute/badass monsters with amazing powers and every 10 year old kid had to set out on an exciting journey as a Pokemon Trainer to become Pokemon Master! You get to battle with monsters AND get get away from your parents! What’s not to love?

Everything about the world of Pokemon was amazing, EVERYTHING! No one cared about the fact that catching all 150 Pokemon was a daunting task, they just HAD to Catch ‘Em All. The whole cult-like phenomena started

If you didn't have this, your parents didn't love you.

with the pants-jizzingly addictive Red and Blue Game Boy Color games, as well as the oh-so special Yellow Versionthat I personally spent years playing. I will never get the time wasted on those games back…and I don’t even regret it :D. It was so new, so fun, so awesome, and yet so simple of a concept. If you haven’t yet figured it out, Pokemon is, at its core, Rock, Paper, Scissors! But as a kid, who gives a shit huh?

Things got even better with the arrival of the Anime series as well as the Trading Card Game. We addicts finally had a way to waste even more of our lives while pretending to live in a fantastic fantasy world. Our mothers and fathers (and school teachers) were just about fed up with us and our obsession, but they just didn’t understand! They were too old to start their Pokemon journey anyway 😛 But, like everything else that we kids got hooked on, Pokemon eventually lost its grasp on us. We had become “too old” and believed Pokemon to be “for little kids”. We lost all interest in the little critters that we had sold our souls to and put the Poke-past behind us.

And then they made new Pokemon!

Life was beautiful again. There were new adventures, new dangers, and most importantly, new Pokemon! 100+ new Pokemon species were available for us to drool over again with the Gold and Silver versions. It felt like a whole new experience. The new Pokemon were interesting, the new moves were awesome, and of course the new starter Pokemon were more bad ass. Yet once again, we became bored after a few years and put our Game Boys away for good. Or so we thought 😉 With the introduction of the Game Boy Advanced the arrival of a new Pokemon game was highly expected and we waited and waited diligently. Once it finally arrived we, now teenagers, decided to try it for old times sake. The new Ruby and Sapphire. Good game. Kinda getting a bit repetitive though. And the new Pokemon? Meh…cool I guess.

I couldn’t help thinking that Pokemon had become just another franchise that pushed out new games for the sole purpose of making money. It wasn’t about entertaining kids anymore, those of us who started the Poke-Rage had already grown up and moved on to other things. I still played the games, but I never felt the same way about them as I had in the past. They are now in the 5th Generation of Pokemon and I have to say that they are the worst lot I have set my Pokemon Master eyes upon. I mean…really, they have an ice-cream cone Pokemon…an ICE CREAM CONE! They have really fallen hard trying to come up with interesting designs.

A mustache?...What the fuck 😐

WHAT THE FUCK AM I!??!?!?!

The original 150 Pokemon were great, the next 100, awesome, but after adding over 400 additional species? Pathetic. I have lost all faith in Pokemon as a human being, but I still have that spot in my heart reserved for the Poke-Nerd that I once was. I still dream of the days when I trained my Pokemon with love and compassion, leveling them up, defeating gym leader after gym leader. The time when I finally received my last Gym Badge from Giovanni and faced the legendary Elite Four! One by one they fell before me and my powerful Pokemon until I became the Pokemon Master! Now all I can say is that I won’t even try to become the Poke-Master. Who has the time anymore? Who has the money? The new Pokemon are just a former shell of the glorious days of PokeMania. I can’t be the only one who hasn’t resumed their quest of catching them all.

So let me ask you.

Will you step up to the task of completing the Pokemon Journey you started over 10 years ago?
Will you catch ’em all? And most importantly,
Will you be the very best, like no one ever was? 

 

Cuntry Music And Its Horrible Effects On Humanity (Not for Children)

Kids, DO NOT read this. Or go ahead, just don’t tell your parents 😉

No, that is not a misspelling. Country music is literally one of the worst sounds to ever be emitted from a musical instrument in the history of sound. I don’t want to hear a fiddle every damn song okay! I don’t give a flying fuck about your pathetic excuse for a life you damn country bumfucks. Every song is about the EXACT SAME THING!

The only great country musician

How many songs about makin’ love, having a cold beer, lovin’ yer baby, being a country man, and all the rest of the pathetic waste of activities does it take for a redneck to say, “This sounds like the last 23 songs I’ve heard all day.”? The answer doesn’t exist because a redneck is too stupid to notice.

For fuck sake, I can’t even tell country musicians apart because, just like their music, they all sound alike. And the female singers? Even worse! That high pitch harpy screeching really annoys the piss out of me and makes me cringe at every note. T-Swift is an obvious exception to this predicament, but who knows? Maybe in 10 years she’ll be just like every other female country musician.

This is just a fraction of the hatred I have for the existence that is Country Music. Neither words nor actions can express how I feel about it. I have listened to old country music. The days of Johnny Cash and…well to be honest Johnny Cash is the only other country musician I liked. But anyway the point is Country music has evolved into a hideous, hunchbacked, one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater that looks a lot like Gollum.

Oh...oh God

I want everyone to know that although I hate country, I mean no disrespect to any of my family lol I still love you all but I cannot stand your taste in music 😛 You’ll probably think the same way after I talk about my music tastes 😉

For me, any other music genre will do beside country, but the really amazing ones are Hardcore, Dubstep, and Classical. An odd mix yes, but amazing nevertheless. Let’s start with Hardcore. Amazing riffs, orgasmic breakdowns and the heaviest sounding vocals to ever come from someones mouth. Some of the greatest bands are The Devil Wears Prada, Asking Alexandria, Blind Witness, Miss May I, Attack Attack!, and there are many more really good bands. A lot of people just think that it is just noise and vocals that sound like someone throwing up(thank you mother)

"Karma's a bitch, right?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLQBebfEXpc, and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0sT7xfC3QY.Don’t ask questions, just watch them. Or don’t if you REALLY don’t want to.

Now for Dubstep. Dubstep originated across the pond in London, England. This music genre isn’t well known over here in America but it has gained a large following nevertheless thanks to a dubstep artist known as Skrillex. Dubstep sounds like two Transformers making sweet love in the best way possible. But really, the sound is amazing, it’s a lot of drum and bass with amazing drops and beats. It’s very awesome when you’ve had a few drinks and the beat just takes you away. Dubstep artists also do a lot of remixes of popular songs such as Katty Perry’s “E.T.” as well as video game songs, such as this ball-dropping piece right here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU75uz0b8EU. Listen to it on the highest quality with the volume turned way up. You won’t regret it.

And Classical Music…do I need to say more? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-t5Nk49yZ Just listen to this and be taken by the music 😉 And on this song I say goodbye.

 

This Is A Witty Heading #2! Grapple Hooks

Don’t you wish your Koala was hot like Uki? You’re damn right you do! This Koala is large (ladies) and in charge with nothing to loose except his good looks. So ask yourself America, would you vote Mr. Uki for President?

Today’s program is brought to you by the letter, G! “G” stands for a vast variety of words, such as Grapple Hooks, Giant Tree Limb, Godawful Idea, and Gargamel(you know, from The Smurfs?) I actually had to use a shoddy antique metal coat-hook to try and pull down a giant dead tree limb in our front yard….really mom? I FELT LIKE A DAMN NINJA! But after a half-hour trying and failing miserably I gave up. Sorry, I’m just not ready to be a ninja….*sob* Maybe if I called it a Hook-shot and wore a bright green tunic with a green cap I could have done it….hmmmm.

mmmm....Bacon =D

Epic is it not!?!?! How many of you wish or have wished that Pokemon were real? Be honest with me, I know I used to dream about being the ultimate Pokemon Master. I wanted to be the very best, like to no one ever was. But that dream died like my uncle left hand. What if the Hulk had Bipolar Disorder? Some people have argued with me that he DOES have Bipolar Disorder, but he DOES NOT! Read the comics folks, he only turns into the Hulk because for some reason, being blasted with gamma radiation causes you to turn big and green whenever you get angry….pshh, science.

 Never in my life have I been more annoyed at a character in a game than at Gary Mother-F*ckin’ Oak. Gonna get your first Pokemon? Give Gary Oak the one who can beat your ass with easiest. You can’t even gain the satisfaction of being the first to defeat a gym leader. Up until you reach the Elite Four and beat them, you think you’re tough shit, then Gary MOTHER-F*CKIN’ Oak turns out to have already beaten them! Never saw THAT comin’ did you? Gonna have to beat his cocky ass and be the very best! Let us take a moment and breath. You fail at every important battle, not because you lose, but because Gary Oak has already beaten you to it. Down the road of broken dreams you walk. =D

(Read the first word of each sentence)

I hope you’ve all enjoyed my ramblings and that little surprise I left you 😉 And remember, if you find yourself failing at life, just blame Gary Mother-F*cking Oak.